I haven’t written anything here since March..almost four months ago. Every time I think “I really need to sit down and blog about something”, I find it hard to do so. Thinking about it just exacerbates the guilt I feel at not having written anything in so long. This, in turn, makes me feel kind of stupid. Why the hell should I feel guilty about not writing? The answer is simple: I’ve been given a talent I’ve sat on for the last forty years of my life. I should attempt to do something with it. Too many people have told me too many times how well I write.
Of course, there’s a lot I could blame for the inactivity. There are the constant demands of work. Our home the land on which it sits demand a lot of attention. I’ve grown quite fond of Zynga Poker since I joined Facebook last November.
But these are not reasons so much as excuses.
I started this blog as something to help me write on a regular basis. Over time, a (very) few people started reading it. I got a little feedback (good writing…too much politics) and began to fall into a trap which had me wondering what so and so would think if I wrote about thus and such. Quite ridiculous, really, getting puckered up over what an audience of maybe ten people think. But this has been my problem with writing my entire life.
“What will people think?”
I’ve read, from a bunch of different sources, that first drafts are always horrible. Whether you are a 46 year old who has spent a life wasting writing potential or Stephen King, first drafts are almost always unreadable. “What will people think?” of this first draft. Probably not much. And what about later? There will always be those who don’t think very highly of what I write.
My wife would probably say that my “Libra-ness” is to blame for this. I have a need to please everybody. I should do my best to turn from that Quixotic path. Whom I please is probably the last thing I should be thinking about when I sit down and write.