I think it’s important, especially a month and a half in, to look for the danger signs. Signs that indicate I’m either getting too full of myself or that ambition and determination are waning. The physical part of this has always been pretty easy for me. It’s the determination to see my way all the way to the goal that’s been the problem.
Last week I went was in the middle of a 12 workout cycle, doing mile runs. The course I chose was difficult for me, a beginner. I finished the run and then went up to the loft to lift. I got about three exercises in, to the curls, when everything just got…tired. My mind, my body. The energy just poured out of me. I shut it down right there. One thing I’m trying very hard not to do is push myself beyond my limits.
I have a feeling the fact that I hadn’t really gotten much rest on my previous rest day ( I spent it outside, staining the fence) had a lot to do with why I felt so tired. I’ve been pretty good about jettisoning the schedule when I feel it’s necessary in order to listen to what this old body is telling me. So last week I gave myself two days off.
Last Friday, my first day back, I woke up feeling anxious..maybe a bit melancholy. I sat at my computer, eating yogurt and drinking coffee, and I noticed that I was procrastinating. I also noticed there were mysterious aches in my heel and above my knee which hadn’t been there when I woke up an hour before. I was wondering what was going on. Was this some sort of biblical test of determination? The gods throwing obstacles in my way?
I thought about this and chalked it up to fear. I was afraid that I’d begin running and immediately tire again. I was afraid that all the gains of the previous six weeks or so were just a mirage. Two days off would have put me back to square one.
I’ve had a problem with this fear my entire life. I don’t know if it’s more a fear of failure or a fear of success. After I sat and thought a bit, I got up, grabbed my water and went upstairs to warmup on the bike.
The workout was a success. I did the mile in my fastest time yet and the lifting portion saw gains in resistance in several exercises.
Though I do not want this blog to become an exercise in navel gazing, I do think it’s important to keep an eye on my brain, as it were. I can teach my body how to run ten miles on a consistent basis. Teaching my mind to do so will be the much tougher task.